The Case for Derek Dooley

Defendant: Derek Dooley, Head Football Coach at the University of Tennessee

Charges:

• Ruining the reputation/spirit of the University of Tennessee Volunteers-1 count
• Poor coaching decisions-5 counts
• Poor hires-2 counts

Prosecutor: People of Vol Nation

Evidence: Prosecution

• Defendant led his team to a loss against the University of Kentucky Wildcats, the first loss to this team in 26 years.
• Defendant failed to reach a bowl in his second year as head coach.
• Defendant hired Jim Chaney, an offensive coordinator with experience at the ever-so unsuccessful St. Louis Rams and the much less than prestigious schools Wyoming, Purdue, and Cal State Fullerton. 
• Defendant hired Eric Russell as Special Teams Coach, a coach that failed to teach his special teams how to tackle, block, or basically do anything one does on special teams.
• Defendant failed to replace Michael Palardy, a kicker for whom the adage "couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat" was made. 
• Defendant failed to bench an obviously tired/injured/lethargic Tyler Bray during the loss to Kentucky.
• Defendant forfeited Justin Worley's red shirt in the fourth quarter of the Alabama game only to hand the ball off five times.

Evidence: Defense

• Defendant suffered the loss of Justin Hunter in the third game of the season, followed soon by the temporary loss of Tyler Bray, losing possibly the best, albeit youngest, quarterback-receiver combo in the nation.
• Defendant endured the toughest schedule in nation, playing two national championship contenders and a very strong Arkansas team.
• Defendant assembled a team from the youngest group of football players in the FBS, only 68 of which on scholarship.
• Defendant's 2011 recruiting class ranked 13th in the nation.
• When the devil himself vacated his coaching position at the University of Tennessee two weeks before national signing day, the defendant managed to salvage a recruiting class ranked 9th in the nation. 
• Defendant has excellent hair and fashion sense.

Verdict:

• Guilty of 5 counts poor coaching decisions.
• Guilty of 2 counts poor hires.
• Not guilty of 1 count ruining the reputation/spirit of the University of Tennessee Volunteers.

Jury recommends Dooley be placed on one year probation, during which he must win all four out-of-conference games and a minimum of three SEC games, followed by a bowl victory. Defendant must also produce another top 15 recruiting class. Defendant must also fire Offensive Coordinator Jim Chaney and vigorously pursue David Cutcliffe and/or Peyton Manning.